Donkey’s Blog

How out of touch can a scruffy archbish be?

Unlike the hysterical masses calling for archbishop beardy’s resignation I take a more charitable view, I think we should deal with him under Sharia law in the same way as the extreme Muslims solve their homosexuality problem - Defenestration.

Stoning seems a bit too horrific and personal while amputation is a very crude deterrent if indeed it works as a deterrent at all. I mean if according to the religious nutters the thought of doing evil is as bad as actually doing it, then you can’t tell me that those poor buggers with their hands cut off don’t think of flicking a “V” sign or giving the finger to the rest of us. It is only human nature.

Perhaps we should amputate his beard - that would be a great improvement; he is after all the scruffiest archbishop we have ever had in this country, and the scruffiest public figure (if you ignore Mr Geldof) since poor old Michael Foot shambled about the House of Commons in his Donkey jacket. The man looks like he could do with a good wash! I bet that beard is shampooed less than once week it looks like it’s dirty and I expect it feels itchy all the time. I should imagine it smells of old communion wine and stale aftershave.

On a serious note any man who thinks that there should be different laws applied to people who believe different fantasies than the rest of us is one bollock short of a full sac! It is a reprehensible selfishness and naivety which fosters extreme behaviour. These people think they are above the law as they are answering to a “Higher authority”, doing God’s will as interpreted by them. So it OK to abuse women and treat them like property, stone adulterers to death and murder people who have different sexual preferences, oh and by the way amputation is the only real deterrent to the curse of shoplifting. All these things are OK because God said so - you and I never heard him say this but what the hell that’s all right because we should have faith in the rantings of these priests shouldn’t we?

Talking of amputees I am sad to hear that my good friend Abu Hansa (it is always a pleasure to shake his hook but the bear hugs can be a problem) is likely to be moved into less salubrious surroundings in the American Rockies. How brutal that he will only have a small black and white TV pumping out US propaganda all day instead of the wide-screen luxury that he currently enjoys (he is great fan of the X factor). I wonder what poor unfortunate will take over the job of wiping the buggers shitty ass every day (you couldn’t pay me enough to do that job) I expect the redneck miltary will employ a minimum wage black man for that job. Quite a contrast - the prospect of a black man in the white house and another one in the shite house!

Defenestration:Throwing out of a high window, a method of execution specialised in by the Czechoslovakian Secret service during the cold war period.