What Causes Crop Circles?
Monday, February 12th, 2007It’s definitely not Aliens.
For a start anyone with the technology to bridge the gulf between the stars and visit this insignificant little rock orbiting a small yellow star in an obscure corner of the milky way galaxy would certainly find a better way to communicate with us than by making dents in our cornfields then running away to hide. So that theory is out the window in the first paragraph, sorry Reg you are wrong my lad, but some of your songs were halfway decent so it’s not been a total waste so far.
So it’s two blokes with a couple of planks and a rope. Well maybe, there are several cases of modern crop circles, which are known to have been made this way and a lot of the complicated ones were knocked out in the wee small hours by teams of people using this primitive but effective method. Usually students, but you didn’t need me to tell you that. Can you believe that this is how it all started though? I don’t think so, there is more here than meets the eye
I believe that the hoaxers are just continuing a theme, and having a laugh at the Alien contact theorists. The truth is crop circles have been “cropping up” over the centuries, back to the days when no peasant would deliberately damage crops because a good harvest or the lack of it was a life or death situation for the village. The early ones were invariably round, which according to my revolutionary new theory is why they aren’t called “crop squares” or “crop triangles” or simply “crop damage”.
There is also scientific evidence that some of the crops have not been crushed physically but weakened in some way which made them collapse. Scientists have also found unusual magnetic fields and traces of radiation at some of these crop circle sites.
Then there is the speed at which some of these things appear, complicated DNA double helix designs which would have taken a team of 20 people several days to make by hand appearing in a space of 2-3 hours. So there must be some other explanation for at least some of the crop circles. It’s time for the Donkey theory, now don’t laugh until you’ve read it through, it hangs together and it makes sense to me.
Donkey’s Theory Of Time Tourism and Crop Circles
I’ll take this in simple steps so that even my most intellectually challenged readers can keep up. (No names no pack drill but you know who you are)
Time travel is theoretically possible. Stephen Hawking thinks so and I’m not going to argue with him.
If it is theoretically possible one day the technology and the energy supply required to make it happen will exist at the same time, so that day it will happen.
If it will happen one day it is happening now and has been throughout the centuries, it’s time travel you see so they can come back.
They are all around us, visiting us and watching us like exhibits in a zoo, they can come back and watch history as it happens, obviously they will not be allowed to interfere or make any changes that would affect the future; like killing your own grandfather before your father is born, but they are here already watching us. That guy that just walked by you in the street, the girl sat in the corner of the pub could be from anywhen. There must have been a big contingent back for 9 11. I often try to spot them in the news footage of any big event but you can never be sure.
Now I’m going to make two assumptions that are critical to my theory
1) If a time travel device materialised inside a solid object, e.g. a brick wall, a tree or a cliff face then something bad happens. My guess is a huge nuclear type explosion, like the great Siberian explosion that occurred over central Asia on June 30, 1908. Coincidence or somebody trying to be too clever or perhaps an early time travel experiment.
2) If a time travel device materialises in air it takes up the space of a lump of air the same size as the time ship, and this lump of air is then displaced downward.
Now put yourself in the position of a future “chrononaut” looking to travel back in time. He or she would be scared shitless of where he was going to “land” because of assumption number one. How do you decide exactly where to materialise? How do you find an area where you know there has been no building erected, where no tree has grown and where there are unlikely to be much pedestrian or vehicular activity? I know where I would look, I would search historical records for farmland where crops have been cultivated for centuries and therefore no building has taken place and no trees have grown.
So the first crop circles were the “landing” sites of time ships, which displaced air downwards to flatten the crops.
Perhaps after a while, when they realised that crop circles were started this way they decided to really confuse us and used their advanced technology to make more complex patterns just for the hell of it. It wouldn’t surprise me to find that in the future there is a big market for devices to customise your crop “footprint” the DNA double Helix, the atomic structure of helium, planetary systems – you get the idea.
So there it is the great crop circle mystery solved! It’s a better theory than the Aliens and a deal more exciting than the two old guys with boards and a rope.
Does it worry you to know that the time tourists are amongst us? It doesn’t worry me any more but I am aware of things… have you noticed how often there is a spate of crop circle sightings about a week before something major happens in the world?
How many of those people on the grassy knoll were there with cameras a few hundred years more advanced than ours to prove unequivocally how many shots were fired and whether J Harvey Oswald was really working alone.
Some interesting reading:
http://www.hawking.org.uk/lectures/warps2.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crop_circle
http://www.darkstar1.co.uk/Reg.html