And it’s Goodbye from us…
So long and thanks for all the fish and chips …
If like me you use the Mayan calendar you may have noticed that it finishes on December the 21st 2012. That’s it! It’s over. The end! The end of the world; you see the Mayans believed that humanity lived in cycles of approx 5,000 years at the end of which some cataclysmic event came along and scoured the earth clean of this infection that is humanity so that the whole sorry mess can start all over again.
You probably think - what a load of old cobblers, and who were the Mayans anyway just some half-arsed jungle dwellers that got their ass kicked by the Spanish a few years ago. Well… you may have sort of a point but they were a fairly advanced civilisation in many ways, their pyramids were very precise cosmic clocks and calculators. The downside was their absurd religious beliefs and their bloodthirsty nature, but you can’t have everything.
I digressed. The point I was getting to is that there is correlating evidence that this is not just some old mumbo jumbo, the New Scientist predicts that in the year 2012 there will be unusually intense solar activity. So that’s it then turn up the sun for a few days sterilise everything then chuck in some more of the human fruit flies and see what sort of a fist they make of it this time. Makes you sick doesn’t it, my ripe old age cruelly taken from me.
That’s what I call global bloody warming, so you can stuff your windmills and your solar panels where the sun don’t (often) shine.
It’s not all bad news though at least we’ll see the 2012 Olympics in London, and even better we won’t have to pay for it. My advice is cash in your pension and any savings you might have now, change to an interest only mortgage and start defaulting about 2010, it’ll take a few years to evict you and by then you’ll be a small quantity of vapour heading out past Jupiter. Those letters you keep getting from the banks, insurance companies and the AA, don’t bin them take the loans, max out all your cards and spend the money on enjoying the few years you have left; wine, women and song etc. (I’m not sure how enjoyable the song is especially if it’s country and western). Then when the end comes you will have the unmitigated pleasure of knowing that you were a winner in the end.
Legal Notice
In the event of a non-apocalyptic event, the writer accepts no responsibility if you are daft enough to follow any advice given above.
This link gives more info: